Yeah, you read right the word men hates hearing and the word is a four word sentence
“we need to talk”
Tell a man this and he gets worried and anxious at the same immediately,
“have I done something wrong” “what important issue does she want to talk about”
but we(ladies) just want to talk. As a lady you can’t expect your man to sit down with you like your girlfriends, gossip, dab your face with tissue and just talk, it’s not in their DNA. When men are talking especially when they are listening it’s with purpose.
They understand that they are not perfect and there are going to be times when you are going to be mad at them and let them know it, they get that but they don’t want a lengthy conversation or a pep talk about how they screwed up.
- They don’t vent
- They want to fix whatever situation is upsetting the balance
- They understand that this frustrates you because sometimes you want to talk, to share, put a listening ear to it
But ladies, that what your girlfriends are for. Yeah, most people don’t have girlfriends because most of them are snitch, some are with you because they get something from you.
So, they don’t have girlfriends but they got real male friends they can talk to and put a listening ear to it but does your man understand you are just friends, is he cool with it……do this and your man will give you the listening ear you’ve always wanted trust me it works
Back to my discussion, those of you that have girlfriends you lucky because you get to talk, gossip and agree on the same thing, your girlfriend always have a similar experience to what you say and you just talk for hours without getting a solution to the problem at hand but you going to feel light hearted that you talked to your girlfriend but men on the other side you talk, complain they give straight answer, end of discussion…it’s that simple for them
Men aren’t in the talk it business, they are in the fix it business. From the moment they were born they’ve been taught to communicate, nurture, listen to problem and try to understand them without any obligation to fix them is simply not what boys are raised to do
Let a little boy fall off his bike and scrape his knee, everyone is going to shout stand up and shake it off you are a man “be a man” no one’s going to ask if he’s scared of riding a bike, our automatic response is for him to get over it and ride the bike again till he figures how to ride it
Now that he’s grown and in a relationship, you expect that same boy who was told to keep quiet and keep on moving to be a man who can sit and listen and communicate and nurture,
I’m telling you now; your expectations are off.
Women have different moods and ideas in their head and you expect men to fall in line and if they don’t, it’s a problem, you’re telling your girlfriends
“he won’t talk to me” and “I can’t get him to open up”
but opening up is not what they do plain and simple…I’m telling you right now, if you go to your man with a situation that is fixable and he doesn’t try to fix it, he is not your man….he is not in love with you. Go ahead, I dare you to try it yourself
Of course, men operate under the assumption that the fix isn’t always going to be on point. They stay off balance because even though they are responding in a way that they believe is logical, women will necessarily respond emotionally which always throws a monkey right into the middle of what they are trying to accomplish.
Most of the time, it feels to them that your response is determined not wholly by what is rational but mostly how you feeling that particular day, at that particular moment. For example, if he kissed you in a particular spot that got you screaming and hollering last night and he kissed you in that same spot today and you like what’s this you don’t like it, he’s going to confused because if you kissed him in a particular spot last night and he like it, he’s going to like it today even the day after.
But you, not so much what you like and how you like it apparently shifts from day to day, sometimes even moment to moment. And that is not logical to them, they can’t figure it out ever. If they get It right, great. But sometimes, they are just going to get it wrong a lot of times, the more inexperienced of men are going to completely screw it up.
For example, your girlfriend walks into the room looking angry, you ask what’s wrong, she said nothing and you said OK, guy you are a fool
“not sorry to say”
And yeah, you have a lot of fixing to do. But the more experienced guy, the man who can read his lady’s mood and can tell when something is wrong and he asks what’s up and you say NOTHING, he’s going to keep asking till you finally open up.
Although, he will be praying nothing should be wrong or at least it shouldn’t be serious. Once he knows what’s wrong he’s going to launch into “THE FIX” immediately
This is not to say you’ll never have a conversation with your man that lasts longer than two minutes, they understand that sometimes they’re going to have to give a little more in terms of communicating with you every now and then. They know you want to lie down in their arms, cuddle and talk it out, they are capable of doing this, though it’s not easy, but it can be done.
They know that sitting, listening and participating in a long conversation about your feelings is necessary and inevitable, but don’t be surprised if those conversations are few and far between. Detailed conversation is what you have with your girlfriends, men just want to hear the problem and fix it.
It’s about maintaining the balance, the two of you understanding exactly what each other requires to be innately happy and then trying to provide at least some of that so that both mates feel like they’re in this relationship with the other
For men, that means that every once in a while, they may have to sit and be still and just listen. For women, it would go a long way if they respected the encryption of manhood that they are too focused on who they are, what they do and how much they make to spend a whole lot of time sitting around pondering things that can’t be fixed.
Of course, it would go a long way if women stopped opening the conversation with
“we need to talk”
The moment you say that, their defenses go up, the repair tools come out, the sweat starts rolling and they are sprinting through the events of the past week, trying to figure out what they did wrong, when they did it and how they’re to fix it so that they’re not in trouble anymore
In fact, I think it’s a good idea that if you want to vent, you start the conversation with something simple like
“Dear, look nothing is really wrong”-
I just want to tell you something that’s a great opening line, it allows them to relax, take their foot down from the witness stand, put away their “fix it” tools and actually sit and listen to what you have to say
PLAIN AND SIMPLE